You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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