Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize