did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
