I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I party with great urgency now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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