tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
did i just pee glitter
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
