My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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