Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
