I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
did you just send me my own nude
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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