my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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