How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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