if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
