ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize