You're so nebulous sometimes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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