I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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