Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
is it fun? or sober?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
