how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize