I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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