I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
