The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
