can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i think i just lost a toe
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
