did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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