Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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