It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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