It's Friday. Sex?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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