So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
