I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
