you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
