I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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