no, he came in my armpit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
