Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize