I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
