I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
