Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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