thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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