he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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