I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
