put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize