this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
