I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
