Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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