talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sarcasm needs its own font
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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