4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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