It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
FUCK WHALES
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
