So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
