This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
