I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
