rhymes with "ouble enetration"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
