If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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