Moan for me like Helen Keller
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
