why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you win again, gameday.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
