Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
