I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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