just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
