On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize