question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
