Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i've created a new STD.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
