My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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