I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pants are for mortals
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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