the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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