ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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