All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
