did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
